thefutureisred

Why Thanksgiving Can Never Be Just A Day Of Thanks

This morning I woke to see a post from Seth Godin saying that this is "the only holiday that really matters.” Thanksgiving. Are you freakin' kidding me?

Now, in no way do I intend to“call anyone out” for sending wishes of thankfulness. It is a lovely sentiment and should always be applauded. Still that post stuck in my throat like that little pointy bone in a chicken.

Thanksgiving has always been a day of ambivalence for me.

I love the big family meal where everyone brings something to the table. We all help out setting and cleaning up. I love watching Lila play with her friends, and the very tastes of turkey and cranberry, stuffing and my specialty chocolate pecan pie remind me of this time we spend together. 

Am I to be completely honest, if I could suddenly zip back to Atlanta right now to be with the whole ganza mishpacha, I would do it without a second thought. Thanksgiving holds a special place for many expats, because it tends to be a very American holiday.

It’s also my favorite time of the year. Crisp but not too cold to keep you from going outside. The leaves on the ground impart a unique scent to the entire city of Atlanta and everything is quiet on the streets as people sit down for dinner.

On the other hand and a hand that shouldn't -- although too often is -- ignored.

Thanksgiving is a day of mourning for many. It’s the yearly reminder of blankets with smallpox, families murdered, entire peoples marched sick and dying for thousands of miles, stolen land and lost hope.

For this reason, I couldn’t bring myself to post Thanksgiving recipes to mark the day on the Matador Life, and why we chose to post an article on Native American Thanksgiving traditions instead. Definitely check out the wonderful article Candice Walsh, the fabulous associate editor and angry redhead wrote.

Noah and I chatted about it over coffee this morning. He, as always, has a unique view of things, often stated so wryly and succinctly it is difficult to hear. In short, he sees the second view of Thanksgiving as “post colonial guilt.” As expected, I bristle strongly at the suggestion.

“The Indians lost,” he says. “If they had won, we wouldn’t celebrate Thanksgiving. We wouldn’t use their images as mascots for sports teams. Thanksgiving is a victory holiday. That is at base what we are celebrating, and history is littered with this kind of mangled crap.” 

South America. Australia. Canada. New Zealand. Name a country where you won’t find someone with a similar history. It's inescapabl

But to celebrate with a feast? It's something I simply can't reconcile.

Should reparations be made?

If so, how? And who? So many of the people living in the US are immigrants – including myself – and have no direct responsibility for what happened aside for our choice to live in a country that now offers greater freedom and opportunity than the countries we left.

I also wonder if we had it to do all over again today, with the knowledge we now have, would we do the same thing again?

The more I write, the more I realize I have no answers, only questions. With that, I leave you with my final one. How can we celebrate all the good we have without remembering what was lost in order to pave the way?

Photos courtesy of Jonathan Hamner's Flickrstream

Why Is It So Difficult To Find Happiness & Balance In Life?

Please excuse my appearance, but I’m completely off balance these days. I thought I had it all together, thought I finally had a grasp on things but no. My proverbial plate is too full.  I’m not quite sure how it filled so quickly and now the damn thing has overflowed.

Life on the road can be stressful, mainly because you never quite know what will happen next, but life in one place?  Turns out the switch between traveler and expat hit me much harder than I could have expected.  Now we have a lease on a house, Lila’s in school, and we have work. We are committed. In some ways, that’s really lovely, something I found myself dearly craving after so long without a place to call home.

Emmanuelle Archer, a professional expat I met through Twitter read my last World Blog Surf Day post and recognized the expat melancholy. She e-mailed me to express concern and offer a listening ear. Emmanuelle’s website, Winning Away Expat Tips and Resources, offers a wide assortment of advice, outlook and resources to help adjust to your new country and life.

Of course, I’ve been so busy trying to settle in, work, get the house cleaned and liveable, find my way around, meet people, locate doctors for the family, I haven’t written back.  I’m pulled in so many directions I don’t even know where to go first.

Then there’s my new job at Matador. It’s quite an amazing experience. I’m meeting creative, interesting people, honing my writing skills. I’m learning loads about search engine optimization, writing articles that bring big hits and producing (hopefully) quality pieces in short time. Matador has opened up my writing and teaching career in new wonderful ways.

It’s also my first so-called real job since before Lila was born. The pace is wicked fast, and I too often feel I’m struggling to keep up. I now have daily deadlines and people who will ask questions if they are not met. In many ways, Matador pulls me back into the I-need-it-all-and-I-need-it-now world I wanted to escape when we chose to leave New York.

Thus my life feels like triage. I run from one line of my to-do list to the next, never quite paying complete attention to anything and never finding time to properly rest. Ironic, I think, given that what I write for Matador is all about finding balance and thriving when you’re not on vacation. On the job training, I suppose.

So Why Is This and What Can We Do?

As I’ve struggled with all this, I’ve come up with four different reasons why life balance -- too often happiness as well -- eludes us.

We’re searching for something missing in our lives.

This is how I felt when living in NYC. Not at first, mind you. The city challenged me, but after ten years there, I no longer enjoyed it the choices I'd made for my life. I felt stuck, angry, uncomfortable. I just wanted to be free. 

We spent the last three years searching and have since found ourselves in a wonderful new city, where the people are perhaps the kindest, most helpful and most decent I have ever met. My work is going well. Lila is happy with school and friends. Noah and I have new projects on the horizon, and all seems well.

I have everything I could want, so why so unhappy little bear?

We're adjusting to something new.

I recently saw Facebook status update from Paulo Coelho saying: Change is part of life. Friction is part of change. Get used to it.

Yes, change is a part of life, and often the good, happy sort takes as much adjustment as the really hard painful kind. Perhaps the key is to simply, as Coelho suggests, accept it. Let it just exist and eventually, friction wears down to comfort again.

We Need Something New

So it stands to reason, that if change is a normal healthy part oflife, if you’re not changing, you’re stagnating and thus will feel friction from that as well. Sort of can’t win on the happiness train, can you? Then again, it’s not really so much about winning as it is realizing that life is a cycle of constant movement.

This is different from my first point in that you can have everything you want in your life, nothing is missing, but you are searching for change. Many times, you simply need to shake things up before going back to your life as it was.

We Always Want More, More, More

You’re thinking of the future and past, what you used to have, what you hope to have. You look at your life, house, career, spouse and  friends seeing what isn’t there, what could be, what used to be. Worst of all, when you turn this eye on yourself, the criticism will be the most harsh.

While happiness isn't something we can expect to have every moment of every day of our lives, at times sadness is necessary, this sort of thinking will leave us permanently dissatisfied. Unless you break away from this cycle, you’ll never find those crucial moments of rest and happiness.

So Where Do I Go From Here?

I sit here at home typing with a gentle breeze blowing through the kitchen, birds of all ilk chirping and still I wonder to why I can't shake this feeling. I don't feel myself anymore.

Then I realize, perhaps it is not that I am somehow not myself. Instead, there is a part of me that will always remain off balance until I make the clear choice to shift my thinking.

"How?" you may wonder. Well, first step is recognizing why you feel the way you do. Then you can start making a change.

DISCUSSION POINT: Where are you in the spectrum I describe here? And what do you do to make changes in your life? Or maybe you're one of the few, the proud, the content to be where they are. Perhaps you have some tips to share with the rest of us.

Photos courtesy of pinksherbert, dawnashley and aeu04117's flickerstreams.

How To Teach Responsibility To A Child

Perhaps a small stuffed cat doesn't seem very important in the grand scheme of parenting, yet for me, the mother of an only child, it takes on huge significance.

Last week, the three of us -- Noah, Lila and myself -- went to the supermarket.  Lila, admittedly because she was hungry, freaked out and had the first tantrum she’s had in as long as I can remember. We left.

Soon after, Lila turned to me and asked, “Where’s Susanna?”

Susanna is her little toy cat. She got it in a Cajita Feliz at McDonalds a few weeks earlier and they two fell in love with eqch other. Lila tucked Susanna in bed at night, took her to school, carried her in the car and everywhere else she went in her little llama handbag.

We went back to the store to search. Went back again this weekend, but Susanna was no where to be found.

She is gone, probably forever.

Lila has lots of questions, of course. What happened to her? Where did she go? Did someone else take her? Will I ever get her back?

I don't have answers to any of these questions.

Then comes the question for which I do have an answer. In fact, as the parent, I entirely control the outcome.  “Can we go back to McDonalds to get another Susanna?”

One the one hand: It’s Lila’s responsibility to take care of the toys she chooses to bring with her to the supermarket or wherever we go. Normally, she doesn’t lose them and is very good at keeping track. Her tantrum, I'm sure, has a lot to do with why Susanna was lost. She was too busy screaming to realize her beloved cat fell out of her bag.

Wouldn't buying a new one be in some ways, allowing her avoid responsibility for her actions? Would we in some way be saying tantrums are acceptable?

Beyond that, loss is a part of life, and not everything is replaceable. In fact, the most important things in life are not. Would we be doing Lila a huge disservice in quickly ending her sadness with another toy. This time, it’s easy. Next time, it may not be so simple.

Noah and I generally choose not to shield Lila from subjects such as death. We do our best to be honest when explaining what happened to our cat Paloma, or Grandma Ruth or why Daddy is sad when we visit Noah's mother in the cemetary.

What do you think?

Photo courtesy of Hitchster's Flickrstream

The Power Of Twitter: What Can You Do To Save the Sea (#followmeatsea)

With all the tumult last week over CruiseShipGate, aka #followmeatsea, I'm probably nuts to bring it up again, but it's been on my mind.

At first I found the whole thing childishly amusing then I stopped paying attention. Finally, as the ridiculous thing continued to rage on websites such as Wild Junket or Matador Change and continued appearing through backhanded snipes on Twitter, I started to get aggravated.

Whatever happened to civil debate?

Julie Shwietert questions in her Matador Change article whether or not the environmental impact of cruises would have even been raised had one particular Twitterer by the name of Jeanne Dee not brought it up and brought it up and brought it up.

But the issue had been raised prior to the cruise. Caitlin from Roaming Tales wrote two separate articles questioning cruises and the entire cruise industry. Nancy D Brown, one of the cruise participants, wrote her own article focusing on these very same issues.

It seems, though, whatever noise produced by these thoughtful articles went largely unheard, until the sturm and drang of Jeanne's repeated twittering brought out enough hostility and upset so that everyone's eyes centered on this particular drama.

Perhaps we should be thankful that someone was willing to stand up and generally point fingers and poke until it hurt, but I'd rather live in a world in which people can treat each other decently and still be heard.

“Universal responsibility,” says the Dalai Lama, “is the feeling for other people’s suffering just as we feel our own… We must recognize all beings want the same things we want. This is the way to achieve true understanding, unfettered by artificial consideration.”

The Human Side of the Debate

Kim Mance wrote in a comment to my previous post on the subject that she's been literally sick to her stomach because of the stress from all this. Many others quietly wrote me through Twitter, e-mail, the blog and Facebook to express their own frustration at the tone this environmental discussion has taken.

The bickering leaves a bad taste in many of our mouths, and you need only take a cursory look at comments on any of the posts related to this event to see all the people who have felt hurt, angry and insulted.

Then there are those living on the islands visited by cruise ships, the ones who have to put up with the crowds, the mess, the water awash in fecal coliform. The ones whose livelihood is entirely based on cruise ship traffic.

I saw firsthand the importance of tourism to these tiny islands.

We didn't have many cruises come through Bocas during the months I lived there, but when we did, relief was palpable in the air. Every boat driver in the vicinity zoomed out to the deep water where the ship docked and carried passengers to land. Restaurants, museums, tours, beaches all bloomed with life. Same thing when we had a coast guard ship stationed nearby.

By contrast, I visited Bocas just after a particularly bad storm. There were mudslides, earthquakes, food shortages, all of which meant no tourists. You could see the worry in everyone’s eyes, locals and expats alike. For some it meant tightening the belt. For others, it meant not knowing how food would get to the table and into their children’s mouths.

Then I think of my parents or Noah’s grandparents who are lifelong world travelers. Both couples started taking cruises later in life when their regular forms of travel became too rigorous.

My dad, for example, simply doesn’t have the energy to travel the way he had in the past, and so when he tells me he’s going traveling, even on a cruise, I rejoice, because I remember too many days he was too tired, too stiff and too frustrated with not feeling well to leave the house.

Aunt Jane took Grandma Ruth and Grandpa Charles on a cruise when they were no longer healthy enough to go on their long solo-treks to China, Costa Rica, New Zealand and Israel. It was the last trip of Grandma Ruth’s lifetime.

Let’s Find the Best Path Toward A Common Goal

 “Many are stubborn in pursuit of the path they have chosen. Few in pursuit of the goal.
Friedrich Nietzsche,

Don’t misunderstand. I am in no way saying that the cruise ship industry is all fine-and-dandy. I’m saying the industry exists, selling large numbers of tickets, regardless of what I or anyone else personally believes.

Should I start lecturing Aunt Jane, Grandpa Charles, the people of Bocas or my parents on the evils of cruises? Do you think they’ll listen?

How many people do you think have decided never to go on another cruise because of Jeanne’s tweets? Or did they just listen quietly, think “Damn hippy” and continue on to buy their cheap winter vacation cruise to the Caribbean.

If people are still buying tickets, there's no reason for the cruise ship industry to change what they're doing.

Better To Find An Alternative

 “Wait and see what we have to say,” is the cry from those on board Princess cruise.

“But they’re just mouthpieces for the cruise industry comes the criticism.”

Really?

Does anyone truly believe that everyone on board this ship will just shill for the cruise industry? I mean really? You think every single one of these travel writers is so easily duped, tricked or just starry-eyed over a free trip that he or she will lose all objectivity?

Personally, I think people would be far more interested in their reports were they to find fault with the industry, because, as we already know, people are drawn more to conflict than confluence.

People are also drawn to causes.

It feels good to band together with others to do something worthwhile. Look at charity:water as an example. A Twitter based organization that brings people together worldwide to provide clean water and dig wells for those who do not have.

Wouldn’t it in fact, be better to gather together a group of people on Twitter who are known, followed and read because they have a strong and well developed personality through social media, then allow those people to send out a message?

Wouldn’t that have the greatest effect for the good for the most people and for the environment?

Yes, short term, you will not see the same response, but in the long run, treating people with decency and consideration leads to better, longer lasting results.

Step Up To The Opportunity

Let's all connect and contact. Get in touch with those who took part in the Twitter cruise and ask them what they think, ask them what can be done, and encourage all involved to use their information and influence to improve the situation.

A partial list of those to contact: Kim Mance of Go Galavanting, Nancy D., Brown, Brett Rounsaville from Amtrekker, Gary Arndt of Everywhere Trip and Simone de Santi, A Road Retraveled

As I said, it's only a partial list, so please feel free to add additional people, resources and best of all, your thoughts, ideas and solutions in the comments.

I’ll finish with more from the Dalai Lama, because I think most of us can meet in agreement with his words. “If we have a genuine sense of universal responsibility as our motivation, then our relations with the environment and with all our neighbors will be well balanced.”

Photos courtesy of Alice Popcorn and Ansik's Flickrstreams

Blogging For Publicity: Watch Helplessly as Travel Blogging Jumps the Shark

This weekend I quickly logged onto Twitter to see what’s what and was shocked to see some of the biggest names in travel blogging having a massive pissing match for all the world to see. There was name calling, accusations of abuse, attention whoring and generally showing a complete and utter lack of respect for each other.

This strikes me as the online travel blogging equivalent of two vice presidents screaming obscenities at each other from opposite sides of the building lobby.  It's unprofessional. It's childish. And I'm not entirely sure what it is meant to accomplish.

"It’s a publicity stunt,"said Noah.

Absolutely. But publicity for what? 

This particular shouting match centered on the #followmeatsea hashtag. In short, a small number of top travel and industry Twitterers have been invited onto a Princess Cruise. Great publicity for all involved. People tweet about their experiences on the cruise. Cruise lines advertise the twitterers. Nice exchange, right?

The other side of the debate goes as such.

First, that cruise ships bring too many people, too much waste and suck enormous resources from tiny islands. Idea being, cruises are generally bad for locals and the environment.

Second, there's doubt as to whether those tweeting will be entirely honest, being that they're being sponsored by the very group they're writing about. That would be the Twitter #twethics debate. Will sponsored journalists really report or are they just paid parrots?

There is much of value to discuss here, and in fact, you can find many people discussing these very things all over the internet.

Matador Network recently published an article by award winning travel writer David Page that discussed whether Freebies Undermine Honesty In Travel Writing with a fabulous many sided discussion in the comments that follow.

Another blog favorite of mine, Traveling Greener, offers endless topics on eco-travel along with resources for research to fuel a well informed debate. Traveling Greener's Twitter page provides even more information.

Yet I get this niggling feeling none of this weekend's shouting has to do with a desire for open discussion and debate. It seems to be more of a naked grab for attention.

This is a subject I’ve thought quite a bit about since somehow becoming a travel blogger myself.

Writing about travel wasn’t’ something I set out to do but was really a logical conclusion to my being a writer with an internet and website design work history embarking on a three year journey.

I’ve often thought about what it would take to be a top, money-making travel blogger. Much of which I'm willing to do. I am willing to seek out and write what I believe to be superlative content. I enjoy making contact with other bloggers and do my best to publicize other’s great content through the travel blogging world.

What I have not been willing to do is engage in the endless debates across the internet when it seems that the main purpose of the debate is for self-promotion and does little to further community or real discussion.  Unfortunately, too often, blog comments are just a sneaky way of saying "Hey, look at me! Leave this here blog and come see what amazing, wonderful things I'm doing on MINE!"

I also find myself frustrated when I spend time reading on other travel blogs, only to see the same small group of people commenting and discussing with each other, hawking their personal experiences as the end all and be all and creating controversy where there need be none.

Somewhere in there, the real issues drown and disappear.

I have absolutely no problem with readers sharing their experiences in comments on my blog or elsewhere. I welcome and relish it.  Your comments allow me to stay in touch with what other writers, bloggers and readers are doing and thinking.  I always appreciate a well placed comment that leads me to a valuable, necessary resource.

It’s a balance. We need people viewing our pages in order to have any real attention brought to the topics, causes and ideologies we want to support. But at what point does the balance shift toward selfish navel gazing?

Photo courtesy of rockmixer's Flickrstream